Monday, April 11, 2011

“Yeah, it sucks, but you’ll get through it”

So yes, the first few weeks were hard. But I quickly learned that probably couldn’t survive without the help of my mother. As Harper got older, I began to bond with her and just fall in love with her. I still to this day look at her and am absolute amazement at how awesome she is.
What felt like an eternity at the time, was only 4 months of colic. As a mother you are helpless to wrath that belongs to being colic. There isn’t really one specific moment I remember other that a lot of little ones about this period of her life.
To those who aren’t familiar with colic it has the most unexplainable, vague, ambiguous definition I’ve ever read. So to sum it up for you, it’s when the baby cries all the time and there is nothing that will really soothe it. As a new mom, single or not, you will get advice from veteran moms. This came true especially with a colic baby and my good friend Facebook. Most of the time I welcomed all advice and I usually tried most of it. But those who’ve had a colic baby understand that it usually works the first time and the first time only. It’s like you have car and something is always wrong with it. But to repair it, it will only cost $50. Awesome then as soon as that gets fixed something else breaks, which is only a $75 repair, and then that gets fixed and that $50 repair breaks again. Then all that gets fixed and something new breaks, and so on and so on; every day for 3 months straight. It gets a little tiring. For mommies out that are enduring this I would recommend a DVD to watch called “The Best Baby on the Block”. I watched it and thought I would never do this. Then I reached the breaking point. Back to what I said earlier, this is my advice, doesn’t mean it will work but it might. To that note I don’t want someone to comment to this about how much they hated it and how it was a waste of money. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my 2 years as a mommy, it’s don’t get in the way of a mother and her opinion. I’ve been on both sides of that argument and it never ends. Which is also one of the benefits of being a single mother.
Ok, back to the subject. Harper being colic felt like it would never end. For a short time I thought it was me, I was doing something wrong. It was me that was making her upset. We used to call her cries the dragon-cry. She would cry so much that she would lose her voice. It sounded like a dragon that ran out of fire breath. She hardly slept for more than 2 hours at a time. But luckily my mom and I had somewhat of a schedule down after the last super mom incident (see first post). The only point at which I realized this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, was when I took her to the doctor for probably the 5th or 6th time in her first 2 months of life. I came in and there were 2 nurses in the exam room. Harper was crying at that point for probably 2 hours straight at that point. I know you are thinking, 2 hours? That’s not that long. Do me a favor, try to clap for 2 hours straight or just listen to the sound of someone clapping, same beat and tempo, same volume. It will make you want to stab screwdrivers in your ears after about 10 minutes. So imagine the dragon cry for 2 hours. So as we finally get into the exam room. The nurse asks me, “What seems to be the problem?”. To which I had another red moment. I mentioned that my child is broken and she won’t eat enough to stay asleep for more than 2 hours. She shits like a goose though. She doesn’t like to be swaddled, she just turns red. She doesn’t like to do anything but be rocked and I was all rocked out. At this point I had burned out a vacuum cleaner and a blow dryer to produce the white noise effect to soothe her. I actually paid $20 for a CD of white noise that we played all around the house, which of course worked for about 2 days. I hadn’t brushed my teeth in days. I barely ate because all I could do was rock her. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy, which at that point I thought I was. Then she asked me “Do you want me to take her?”. I handed her Harper and she did some sort of magical blanket-wrap-swaddle and then Harper stopped crying…. So then I sat down in a chair in the room, and started crying (it’s going to be theme for the first few posts in case you haven’t noticed). At this point, if Harper wasn’t crying I was. The doctor noticed she had thrush. To which he prescribed an anti-fungal that took another 5 days to work (yay).
I can honestly say it was 3 months of living hell for me. But in those rare moments that she would fall asleep and I would have enough energy to stay awake. I would look at her and just memorize her peaceful face. Everything about her was perfect. Her face, her hands, and the way she breathed. It just taught me patience. There isn’t an “ah ha” moment I can remember. I just know that I always thought to myself. This too shall pass. Every time I would get frustrated I would close my eyes and take a breath. And that sweet solitude face would appear. All the chaos around me just faded. It’s like a gift that God must give moms.
So now I’m one of those moms that says “Yeah, it sucks, but you’ll get through it” as the mom I’m talking to uses her finger to brush her teeth and is wearing her shirt inside out. This lesson is more about patience. These are the moments that make you a great mom.

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